We all suffer from regret, which is sadness about bad decisions we have made in the past. For example, we may think about how we could have chosen a different career pathway, bought that house when it was cheap, or maybe not left a loving partner, and so on.
Regret is a very unhelpful type of thinking, as there is no way to go back in time and reverse those bad decisions. Unfortunately, “time machines”, where one can visit one’s past, exist only in fiction! Since one cannot change the past, there is little point in wasting time on those decisions. Regret about the past can unnecessarily ruin your present.
One of the most toxic statements one can make is the “I could have” or “I should have” statement. For example, “I could have bought this, I should have avoided that scammer, etc.” Such thinking is very wasteful and can bring your mood down.
There is, however, a way of using one’s past helpfully: to tell oneself that going forward, one will try to avoid making the same mistakes that one made in the past. That way, one is converting a negative experience into a positive one. Perhaps, for example, one may regret not visiting your local park in the past. One might be able to convert that into positive by saying that, from now on, “Unlike in the past, I will try to visit the park and other things of interest in my city.”
Another important aspect is to learn to be kind to yourself and forgiving of your younger self for making bad decisions. If we look into anyone’s past, there will be plenty of times when wrong choices have been made. Self-forgiveness is something we will later explore in Happy Thinking.
A good way to think about regret is to imagine a person walking. When walking, does one look forward or backwards? Of course, one looks forward, as looking back is of little value when it comes to not bumping into things or tripping on something. Similarly, in your life, as you move forward, look at what is in front of you, not what is behind you. Do not waste your time regretting things you may have in the past.
